Today I’m going to talk about sexual compulsion, or “sex addiction”. To begin, I’d like to emphasize that sex addiction is not a term that is officially recognized by the two guidebooks medical professionals use for the diagnosis and treatment of diseases and disorders, and so I will place the term in quotations marks.
Maybe you think you are addicted to sex, or maybe you know someone who thinks they are. If so, then hopefully this post can help you understand sex addiction and be the first step in seeking guidance.
What is “Sex Addiction”?
Sexual compulsive behavior is a term that many people aren’t familiar with. It is often referred to as sex addiction, hypersexual disorder, or compulsive sexual behavior disorder. These terms can be confusing, because it’s not really about how much sex you have or what kind of sex you like. We all have at one time or another binge-watched an entire season of a favorite show in one night, or we know someone who has, and we don’t consider that to be addictive behavior. Yet when it comes to sex, society is quick to judge what is excessive and what is “normal”. And so, it’s not about how much porn you watch or how much sex you have. It’s about how your sexual thoughts and behaviors affect your life and your mental health.
People with sexual compulsive behavior have an intense and uncontrollable preoccupation with sexual fantasies and behaviors, to the point that they think they have a “sex addiction”. They use sex as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or other emotional issues. They can’t stop thinking about sex, even when they don’t want to. They often engage in risky or harmful sexual activities, such as cheating on their partners, having unprotected sex, paying for sex, or watching excessive amounts of pornography. They feel guilty, ashamed, and disgusted by their own sexuality, but they can’t seem to stop.
“Addicted to Sex” Because You Have a High Sex Drive?
Sexual compulsive behavior is not the same as having a high sex drive or enjoying sex. It’s also not the same as having sexual fantasies that are different from the “norm”. There’s nothing wrong with being kinky or curious, as long as you’re consenting and respectful of yourself and others. Instead, sexual compulsive behavior is a problem when it causes you distress, interferes with your daily functioning, or harms yourself or others, making you or others around you believe you are addicted to sex.
“Addicted to Sex” Because You Always Think About Sex?
One of the most difficult aspects of sexual compulsive behavior, or “sex addiction”, is that it often involves sexually intrusive thoughts. These are unwanted and disturbing thoughts that pop into your mind without warning. They can be about anything sexual, but they usually involve something that goes against your values or morals. For example, you might have thoughts about incest, bestiality, sexual violence, pedophilia, or sexual interests that contradict your sexual orientation. These thoughts are not fantasies that you enjoy; they are obsessions that you hate. They make you feel like a terrible person, even though you may never act on them.
Sexually intrusive thoughts are actually a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is a mental disorder that causes people to have recurring and irrational thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that they can’t control. People with OCD usually have one of four types of obsessions: cleanliness, safety, order, or forbidden thoughts and behaviors. Sexual OCD falls into the last category.
How Many People Suffer From “Sex Addiction”?
Sexual OCD is more common than you might think. Some studies have estimated that between 6% to 24% of people with OCD have some form of sexual obsession. And this only includes people who are willing to talk about it. Many people suffer in silence because they are too ashamed or afraid to talk about their sexual thoughts or activities.
Steps to “Sex Addiction” Recovery
If you think you might have sexual compulsive behavior or sexual OCD, don’t lose hope. There are ways to cope and recover from this condition.
- The first step is to recognize that you have an issue and that you need help.
- The second step is to do an online search to find a professional who specializes in treating sexual issues and OCD. They can help you understand the causes and triggers of your condition and teach you strategies to manage your thoughts and behaviors. They can also refer you to a doctor who can prescribe medication, if necessary.
- The third step is to join a support group where you can meet other people who have similar experiences and challenges. You can find online or offline groups that are specific to your type of sexual compulsion or obsession. You can also join general groups for people with OCD or “sex addiction” issues. The important thing is to find a safe and supportive environment where you can share your feelings and struggles without judgement.
- The fourth step is to practice self-care and compassion. This means taking care of your physical and emotional needs, such as eating well, sleeping enough, exercising regularly, meditating, relaxing, and doing things that make you happy. It also means being kind and forgiving towards yourself, especially when you make mistakes or have setbacks. Remember that you are not your thoughts or behaviors; you are a human being who deserves love and respect.
I hope this post has been helpful for you in some way. It’s not always easy to talk about, but I believe it’s important to break the misconceptions of the label “sex addict” as well as the stigma surrounding sexual compulsive behavior and sexual OCD. You are not alone; there are millions of people who experience what you’re going through and who want to help you get better. You don’t have to suffer in silence; you can reach out for help and start your recovery journey today.
References:
- Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder – Wikipedia
- Compulsive sexual behavior – Diagnosis and treatment – Mayo Clinic
- The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Revised (DSM-5 TR) Criteria for Sexual Addiction – Sex & Porn Addiction Treatment
- Chatzittofis, A., Boström, A.D.E., Savard, J. et al. Curr Addict Rep 9, 23-31 (2022)
- Psychiatry (Edgemont). 2006 Nov; 3 (11): 51-58.