It has long been a given that men have a high libido and women have a low libido. How often have you heard, “a woman just doesn’t want sex as much as a man does?”
Psychologist Diane Peregrine from the University of Toronto did not buy into this age-old notion of a “gender gap” in sexual desire. And so she and her team set out to determine why we think there is a difference between a man’s and a woman’s libido.
The team conducted a study on 838 women, and their findings were published in the January 26, 2022 issue of “Journal for Sex Research.” The results: a woman’s sexual desire only differs from that of a man’s if she didn’t enjoy her first sexual experience and/or if she didn’t have an orgasm. This first sexual experience is enough to influence her sex drive for years to come.
In contrast, a man’s first sexual experience had no effect on his future sexual desire. The study seems to indicate that a rewarding sexual experience shapes a woman’s sexual expectations, and so any so-called “gender gap” in libido is caused by the difference in the perceived experience and not by the gender difference.
This makes sense, since we all have a mind/body connection. Depending on the context, we deem a sexual experience to be great, just so, or not worth thinking about.
The brain and body are in constant communication. If the first time a woman has sex, the brain doesn’t get the physiological impulse that this is an enjoyable experience, it simply won’t ascribe any importance to the event. This means there will be no expectations for future sexual encounters.
So why isn’t this the same for men? The common consensus seems to be that because a man’s first sexual encounter usually leads to orgasm, he gets a hit of neurochemicals that send a message to his brain to create the desire for more of those good feelings.
Although there will always be difference in levels of sexual desire because of hormonal fluctuations or life stressors, is there something you can do if you are otherwise healthy but are suffering from a low libido? As one client put it, “I just never understood what the fuss was all about when it comes to sex, but I think I may be missing out.”
Most of us are sadly lacking in sex education. The sex education we received in school focused on how to avoid an unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Sex Education did not focus on sexual pleasure or its ability to create closeness.
Sex should not cause anyone to feel inadequate and alienated. You come into this world as a sexual being, so sexual pleasure is everyone’s birthright, whether you are a man or woman or both.
Learning to take pleasure in sex takes self-discovery and a change in your mindset. I can guide you on this path; simply contact me if you want help in this area.
Comments are closed.